Dear Reader;

I was told that I'm to write a brief description of my life for my Mistress's webpage. Wasn't it
enough that I was forced to look directly into bright lights risking life and limb so that she could use
an image of me to peddle her book? I am exploited shamelessly and I haven't even seen ANY of
the tuna juice promised as payment.

I am SO gullible. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Smooth talking Vincent Stephens
talked me into a position as his SpokesCat, with the same promise, tuna juice three times a week,
or everyday when he was in town. Unforunately, he's NEVER in town and somehow he failed to
leave the promised tuna with Mom.
Yes, I call my Mistress, Mom. It pleases her greatly and that is ALWAYS in my best interest.
Now Master AL, he's less predictable. He talks about wiping the floor with me or making me the
main ingredient in a Chinese delicacy, or shooting me and stuffing me for a centerpiece on the
table, but I'm not worried. He may not clean the cat box ...
but he's a real MUSH. He brings me moths, which are better than tuna juice.
He's all talk, not that I don't keep my eyes on him. You never know when a human may sail
right over the edge and turn from benefactor to maniac. You really have to keep that flee reflex
That doesn't mean I don't relax.
Rare as it is, after a good tuna juice cocktail, I've been known to snooze.
But now, back to life with two writers.

First of all, writers are different than most humans, I believe. They are prone to long spells of
pacing, mumbling different combinations of the same words.
They have friends who BLOG, whatever that is, and they are always laughing and crying about
nothing, staring at a little screen and tapping away on a thing they call the "keyboard".
They won't let me play with it either. Whenever I try to play, Master starts howling and Mom
starts yelling and unless I jump in a hurry one of them is picking my butt up and moving me.
Lately they've been particularly distracted and I've had enough. I check them every night to be
sure they're still breathing but now they tend to wake up and react badly. By the time they settle
down again, I'm ready to do a few laps around the apartment.
The next morning they are unusually sullen and I have a heck of a time getting my dry cat food,
not to mention a treat.
Life sucks right now.  I hope they get this book thing over soon.

Sincerely yours,

If I Don't Look Trustworthy, It's Because I'm NOT!

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Music: Kevin MacLeod
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